Myth of Scarcity

As I make my way on the radical homeschooling highway, I am repeatedly confronted by my own internal tapes and automatic reactions.

The primary, and most dangerous, reaction is that of scarcity. It is one thing I am trying to eliminate in my children’s lives. For example, there is no need to gorge oneself on candy or cookies because they are free to eat them at any time.

But less concretely, I encounter the feeling that if I give freely to others of my time and energy, that I will run out. It is as if that devil on the one shoulder will allow me only one or two chances to show the little people the respect they certainly deserve by assisting them in maintaining their spaces, rather than commanding them to “clean up.” Then said devil starts whispering that I am being taken advantage of, that the children will never learn this way, that nobody else ever does anything around here and it just isn’t fair because I don’t have anything to call my own and I certainly have nothing to feel passionate about and where is all the joy in my life?!?! (it tends to take on a life of its own after a while…and escalate rapidly)

In my zen heart of hearts, I know that by giving it away it comes freely back to me. I know that the only thing worth deriving joy from is my family (and that is not to say that caring for home and hearth should be the alpha and omega of my interests). Intellectually I believe there is no way to stop these little people from learning, that each little seed sprouts and grows forever. I know also that each moment that I bring something positive to them, each time I surprise them with kindness and each time I take the time to listen fully and completely I am planting seeds of independence, self-respect and self reliance.

I am giving it time, trying so hard to give myself a break. I am starting each moment anew that I can–starting my day over repeatedly. I want to internalize this stuff so badly! Yet, I oughtta be really proud and pleasantly surprised that I have managed to stick with unschooling, noncoercive, consensual ideals as long as I have, that these ideals have revealed their truths to me in ways that would be extremely difficult to ignore should I try. In other words, I am fickle and I have a short attention span and yet I keep choosing this path because it is the right path.

Oh bless you, those who have gone before and continue to cheerlead for us…

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~ by merialiss on August 18, 2006.

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