Thoughts on the New Year

I love a new year. I love a new.

I love a new year like a new handbag, backpack, notebook or best yet–a new computer!

I love finding new places to put things, new ways to arrange them, the blank spaces, pages–the impression of blankness.

That said, I’m not off to the best start. Already I’ve had one of my “normal” wee tantrums while shopping with my family. I get so aggravated with my desire to control–or really I first get aggravated with my inability to control the kids (as if!) and then I get aggravated with my inability to control myself (more within the scope of possibility, but…) and then I get shamed by my behavior…it’s a spiral! Of course, in retrospect (glad I’m doing this, maybe I’ll remember), I see that if I were only in the Now and not clinging to the stuff that happened last time or that magick time in the future when Everything Will Be Allright, then I might be able to see my thoughts as thoughts and dodge around them into the way I’d like to behave–kinda like avoiding stepping on a kiddo running around! Just look down, sigh and roll my eyes, or maybe even smile fondly at the folly, and keep on truckin’ to the Shiny way I want to Be.

Aha! I always can use a visual cue. I’d like to hold onto that one.

I was able to acknowledge in the moment that it was Not anyone else’s fault–I wasn’t just “frustrated with the kids” or whatever plausible excuse I could have offered up. I was not behaving well, and it was mostly because I felt like I was out of options. Must remember there’s an infinite plethora (hee) of choices available to me at any moment!

Also, I totally forgot to mention, in my Year in Review–the Gasoline! Yikes! And the introduction of the Shine into my life. Love the shine.

And I am watching an Eastern Towhee gather birdseed and bugs on the railroad ties that make up the little wall that ‘holds up’ the higher portion of our back yard. Oh, and a Cardinal….for now. Just before Christmas we played musical desks in the Office of our home. It should have a fancier name because it is the room we all use the Most. It houses all 5 of our computers and desks! So now I have the antique desk and I get to sit and stare out of the window! So I make sure to feed the birds well so that I and the cats can sit and watch them. House Wrens (a favorite because they love to nest near us–very, like right outside our doors! Last year it was in the Geranium hanging outside the front door! Sweet plant managed to survive with very little water while there were hatchlings amongst her foliage!) and Brown Thrashers (State birds, I feel Honored!) and Blue Jays and Ravens and Chickadees and Mockingbirds and Red Headed Woodpeckers and Sparrows and others I can’t name. Oh, and some Orioles! Never have I seen such variety. Titmouses and Robins, too! I love them, love watching them. And I have drawers in my desk now in which I can hide my loot!

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~ by merialiss on January 2, 2009.

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